I’ve been hear over a year, I started making the friends I had this year about this time last year when I started participating in the meet up I joined. It served its purpose; I made friends. Now that I have friends and am making friends outside the group, I’ve had a chance to step back and re-evaluate my relationships I’ve made since transplanting myself in Boston. This time last year the BF starting pulling the “fade away” breakup crap and I was a mess. This year, it seems like the same shit is happening only with people I thought were friends. I’ve been struggling to weed out the people who are hazardous to me and to be honest, I’m fed up with being taken advantage of, used, teased, and just overall brought down by negative people who refuse to use words or signs to communicate. So, I’m done. I’m the nice girl, who has a hard time saying no, but you cross me and I become someone many never see. Friends can sometimes piss each other off, but true friends get through it. Of course, in order to be a friend you have to really know the person. I think a lot of the people I’ve met would fall more under the acquaintance column than friendship column b/c they don’t really know me. Some know me better than others, but they don’t really know what makes me tick, what drives me, how things from the past have shaped me. I may have a hard time letting certain people in and I think I need to guard my heart even more than I already do and learn to keep my damn mouth shut! I know who my true friends are. They’re the ones who can say shit that pisses me off b/c it’s stuff I don’t want to hear (like LL being a player), but they’re also the ones I appreciate for being honest and telling me like it is. Sometimes I need a slap in the face to see clearly. This leads me to Latin Lover.
He was my first love, he changed my life around (in fact, he played a huge part in my journey to Boston), he made me light up and smile, he got me to live life and he has always been the one I turn to whenever I have too much negative energy. So, of course when he said I could visit him in Denver I was beyond ecstatic. Tickets have been bought and I’ve started this rigorous workout regime to lose as much weight as I’ve gained since moving to Boston and toning back up to how I used to look, when he tells me TODAY MIND YOU, that he is sort of in a non serious long term relationship and connecting the dots I figure out it’s the same girl he was seeing this time last year (when I so badly wanted to drive down to his family’s house last year for Christmas b/c of my need for some positive energy after mattress asshole). WTF does that mean?!!!!! So yes, my best friend may be right about him playing me, but I hate it when I let people in, I trust them, I love them and then they keep me around b.c the sex is great or b/c I am a great planner. If I had a therapist, he’d say that I should be doing this crazy workout regime I’ve started for no one but myself. He’d say that LL served his purpose and I can’t keep going back to 2007-2008 to be happy. That I need to continue working on finding people similar to me and to keep those who like the entire package instead of the a la cart friends who like me or need me or use me for a few of my assets instead of appreciating the entire package. He’d probably suggest me going through my FB friends and delete those who should not be on there. Damn it, I am worth it so screw those who have used me, and thank you for those who take me as I am and not taking advantage of me, or trying to lesson my worth. Man, I do feel slightly better now.
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