Today I was reminded as to why I wanted to get out of California. It is nothing but a stressful, painful place that makes me really angry. I've already blown up at my mom twice, and said something to my sister who is pregnant that set her off and she threw my niece down and came at me. I can't very well throw punches back at a pregnant woman and so I have a scratch mark on the corner of my right eye, my arm and shoulders and a bruise on my boob where she grabbed me. I swear it was like something you see on Jerry Springer and all I can think of is the line in "The Blind Side" where Sandra Bullock's character tells her son S.J. "sticks and stones S.J., sticks and stones". She said I didn't have a husband or kids and until I do I can't say shit about things. I am so fed up with her always moaning and groaning and posting all this stuff on her FB page, it's such a pity party and they got themselves into this mess with no money and I got so fed up with her treating me like I am the Help and she is my mother that I said "you're right, I don't have a husband who voluntarily left to his family go to Afghanistan". She complains and is so dramatic, now I have nothing against the military, but she knew what she was getting into. I would feel a little different if he didn't volunteer and was chosen to go. But they volunteered and they decided to get pregnant with a third child right before he left. I have no pity for that. That's like asking a friend to shoot you and you complaining that you got shot. Well you asked for it, so shut the hell up. Of course, I let her hit me first so if anything happened I could take the "self defense" route. My mother just stood there watching us with my niece in her arms. Then my sister before finishing by pulling my hair was yelling at me to go to my room. Um, last time I checked I was 28 and you are 25 and not my mother! My mother never says how proud she is that I am the one who has my shit together. And my sister calls me jealous? Jealous of what? I have been supporting myself and have helped her and my parents out in the past. I'm not jealous, I'm pissed that she expects everyone to cater to her b/c of how sucky her life is. I swear, I am so sick of California and know 100% that Boston is where I should be. I feel bad for my dad b/c he understands my point of view and shares similar thoughts, only I manage to say them out loud. Before the fight, I had gone to my old gym and worked out with my dad. I tell ya, only in CA do I feel fat working out at the gym where all you see are SUVs parked in the parking lot. I even took a drive to the beach and walked on the shore, remembering how I used to meet my best friend there to have sunset walks and chat. It was so nice, I wore a tank top and the sun felt so good on my bare skin, it was so peaceful. So now I have a decision I have to make. Book a flight for Friday and stay with my best friend the remainder of the time and say forget all my stuff at home I was supposed to pack up and have shipped or store in storage should my parents lose their house, or do I hang in there, pack as much as I can up, stay with my best friend and come home ever so often until Monday? I was so looking forward to coming home for 2 weeks, and I didn't even last a week, can't wait to get back to Boston and away from all this drama. Have you ever yelled and cried so much that your throat and lungs hurt? Yeah, well I have on many occasions here in CA over the years, but I think this takes the cake.
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